Automated answer.

Before you read this text version, make sure you listen to the Audio version first. The audio version is A LOT funnier!

Welcome to XYZ Corporation automated phone system. If you know your party's extension, press 1. If you don't, press 2.

If you would like to speak to a live person, press 3.

If you're wondering why the option to speak to a live person is not working, press 4.

If you find these automated systems annoying, press 5.

If you would like to go through many more steps before getting to do whatever it is you called to do, press 6.

If you'd like to press 8, press 7.

If you'd like to scream at someone for putting you through all of this, press 8.

If you are totally frustrated, press 9.

If you are now sorry you ever did business with us in the first place, press 10.

If you wish you had never called and will never call again, press 11.

If you're having trouble understanding this automated voice, press 12.

If you'd like to hang up on us, press 13.

If you absolutely hate the idiot that invented these automated answering systems, press 14.

If we have you so frustrated that you can hardly stand it, please cuss into the phone at the top of your voice...followed by the pound sign.

If the buttons on your phone do not go any higher than 9, press 15.

If you would like to hear the choices again, plus a bunch of stuff that doesn't pertain to you at all, press 16.

Thank you for calling the XYZ Corporation, and have a nice day. Nice day. Nice day. Nice day. nu nu nu ice da da da da day. Nice day. Have a, have a, have a, nice day. day. day. nice day.