Most
people who try to eliminate debt, deal with financial stress, or become
wealthy will fail to do so. The people who fail to get ahead
financially are usually stopped by one or more of the three things that
most commonly get in the way. You may not have all of these
things working against you, but having even one of them could still
keep you from your goals. These three things are
very common which
is why
most
people fail to become debt free or wealthy. These three
things not only apply
to finances, they apply to many other areas of your life as well.
Let's discuss these three things in order.
Laziness
The
first, and most common thing that gets in the way is laziness.
Many times, people know what they need to do to accomplish
their
goals, but they just can't force themselves to make the required
effort or they procrastinate to the point that things don't get done.
Here are some warning signs that you may be letting
laziness get in the way of accomplishing your goals:
Looking for
easy answers. You may make a decision to accomplish a
particular
task or reach a particular goal, find out what you have to do
accomplish your goal, then, if what you have to do is not quick and
easy, you immediately or eventually give up on the goal.
Basically laziness leads to looking for a quick easy answer
and
giving up when there is none. Notice I said "quick" and easy.
When laziness is getting in your way, you will not only tend
to
give up when things get difficult, but also if it is going to take a
long time to accomplish your goal. Another word for this is
impatience. For a lazy person: if it isn't going to work
quickly, they're not interested in sticking with it. Lazy people are
often
willing to spend time on things they
don't mind doing,
but never seem to get around to doing the things they
don't want to do.
Another
trait of people who are being stopped by laziness is that they are
generally not willing to do much research or make the effort to learn
new things that will help them accomplish their goals. A lazy
person may want to start investing for their future, but won't take the
time to read a book about investing.
Oftentimes, a
lazy person won't even be willing to spend time at a bookstore or
library looking for books that might help them.
People who
are letting laziness get in their way are also often people who sort of
wait for someone else to step in and make the effort for them.
They see a problem coming or decide what goals they want to
accomplish, but wait for someone else to come along and get things
started or do some of the work for them.
Lazy people are
also very quick with excuses for why they aren't doing
something.
They say things like "yes, I want to go out and put in some
job
applications, but I'm waiting for the job market to improve."
or
"yes, I would like to put my house up for sale, but I'm
waiting
until I can get it cleaned up and I just never seem to have the time."
or "I would like to put some money into savings
each month,
but I'm waiting until I find a better job." The true mark of
a
lazy person is that their excuses are generally not even things that
are actually stopping them. The excuses may sound
reasonable
at first, but if you look closely, their excuses are things that aren't
really stopping them. In our examples: a
bad job
market does not stop you from going out and putting in job
applications. A bad job market might make it difficult to
find a
job, but it doesn't stop you from putting in applications.
How to overcome laziness:
First, just do something--
anything--to
get started. If you have paperwork to do, then go and set it
all
out on the desk so it is ready to go. If you are trying to
get
the house cleaned up, then just get up and do one thing--such as clear
off an end table or sweep the kitchen floor. Quite often,
once a
lazy person gets up and gets started, they find they can keep at it for
a while and get a bit more done than they thought they were going to.
Start
with very small, attainable goals. Don't try to take on big
tasks
all at once. If you are planning to reorganize your dresser
drawers, don't wait until you think you have the time to do the entire
job start-to-finish, just get up and reorganize one drawer.
After
that, you can stop if you want to. Later, your next goal
would be
to do the next drawer. Before you know it, the job is done.
If you are trying to save money, don't wait until you can put
$100 per month into the bank, start with $10. Do that for a
while
and see how it goes. Then increase your savings goal to $25, then
$50,
then $75. Before you know it, you are saving the $100 per
month
you originally planned.
Finally, set time lines. This will
help you overcome giving up when things don't happen quickly.
Instead of giving up because you put in job applications all
week
without a single job offer, promise yourself that you will put in job
applications for four months before you allow yourself to give up.
If you think your savings isn't building up fast enough after
two
months, promise yourself that you will stick with it for six months
before you even worry about what the balance is. Chances are
that
after six months you will see that you
are starting to get
somewhere.
Never
forget that laziness is the number one thing that gets in the way of
accomplishing goals. Also remember that very few
people will admit to laziness being a problem. Some lazy
people
don't even realize they are lazy! So, if you see in yourself
any
of these traits of lazy people, you need to use the
techniques I've given you to overcome the laziness. When it
comes
to accomplishing goals, financial or otherwise, if you can't overcome
laziness, you will
never
accomplish your goals. Your financial future is too
important--don't let laziness get in the way.
"The way of
the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns..."
Proverbs
15:29
Pride / Arrogance
The
second most common thing that gets in the way is pride or arrogance.
Since arrogance and pride are so closely related that you
cannot
really separate one from the other, I consider them to be the same
problem. As a matter of fact, you can throw ego in there too.
Here are some indications that you might have a problem with
Pride, arrogance and/or ego:
The
first thing most commonly seen if you are dealing with an ego problem
is an unwillingness to take responsibility when you are wrong.
Notice I said "you" and not "they." The reason for
that is
that arrogant people are very unwilling to see their own faults.
To admit they have faults would be taking responsibility for
mistakes or shortcomings and egotistical people generally blame their
situation on other people or circumstances rather than
take the
blame themselves. On the rare occasion that an arrogant
person
does admit making a mistake, they will usually follow it up with a
reason why it is someone else's fault. You can
easily
recognize an arrogant person because everything that is wrong in their
life is always someone else's fault.
Also,
people
dealing with an
arrogance problem usually have considerable difficulty
apologizing. Apologizing would be admitting to a mistake
which
would make it much more difficult for the arrogant person to make the
mistake someone else's fault.
When an arrogant person does apologize, it is generally a
very
shallow, insincere, condescending apology. Arrogant people
tend
to hold grudges for a very long time; sometimes forever--especially if
someone hurt their pride.
If you are arrogant,
you will think that you are smarter than just about everyone else, and
you will tend to treat others accordingly. This will show up
in
such things as intentionally using words the other person
won't
understand, talking down to others, treating other people's
ideas
as stupid or less valid than your own, often referring to other
people with such words as idiot, moron or fool, interacting with others
as though they are children even if they are not.
Arrogance
leads to thinking you are smarter than just about everyone else, and
that leads to difficulty taking advice.
Since arrogant
people tends to believe they are smarter than others, taking advice
from someone else would be admitting that the other person knows
something the arrogant person doesn't. For someone dealing
with a
pride problem, that is a difficult thing to do. When an
arrogant
person does take advice, they often change it slightly just so
they don't have to do it exactly as someone else told them to.
Quite often an arrogant person will shoot down someone else's
idea, then implement that idea later when the person who suggested it
is not around. Sometimes, the arrogant person will even take
credit for the idea. Going along with this, arrogant people
often
get angry when something isn't being done their way.
Arrogant
people often have few close friends and tend to see themselves as
"loners who don't need anyone else." Arrogant people tend to
believe that other people think highly of them, or like
them even though it may not actually be true. Quite
often
arrogant people are talked about and put down by others behind their
backs--sometimes by the very same people that the arrogant person
believes think highly of them.
Arrogant people tend to argue
only as long as they feel that they are winning the argument.
For
this reason, when the other person makes a strong point, or begins to
prove that they are right, arrogant people often walk away or
hang
up the phone before the conversation is finished. When an
arrogant person is shown to be wrong during an argument, they sometimes
change the subject or just flat out disregard the other person's point
often laughing at the person or treating them as if their idea is
foolish.
How pride and arrogance
affect us financially.
First
of all, arrogant people have a hard time admitting it when they need
help. There may be a very good counselor available
for free,
but the arrogant person does not take advantage of that opportunity
because they don't want to admit to needing help--they're convinced
they have it all under control. Therefore, arrogant people
seldom
seek out counseling when they are in financial trouble and this
arrogance costs them the opportunity to learn how to correct their
financial mistakes.
Even when arrogant people do go to financial
counseling and the counselor tells them that the way they are handling
their finances won't work, the arrogant person usually thinks that they
are the exception: the statistics don't apply to them,
they've
got it all figured out, they have an angle, they have a better way,
they are smarter than all of the other people who have tried to do the
exact same thing and failed. In my own counseling sessions, I
often have arrogant people argue with me and try to convince me that
the things I teach are wrong. I have actually had arrogant
people
come in for counseling because they were deeply in debt, and then try
to convince me that debt is not a bad idea as long as you know what you
are doing! Arrogant people have a really hard time admitting
it
when their ideas aren't working. Sometimes arrogant people
will
come in for counseling expecting me to tell them that the way they are
handling their money is correct and their problems are not their own
fault; then they get angry with me when I have to tell them otherwise.
I have a saying I use in counseling : "the first person you
try
to blame should always be yourself," and arrogant people
always
have a problem with it.
How to overcome pride,
arrogance and/or ego.
First
of all, look to see if you have any of the traits I described.
Do
any of the things I mentioned sound like you? If they do, at
least
consider
the possibility that you may have an ego problem.
Ask
someone very close to you to be perfectly honest with you and tell you
if they see any of these traits in you. Tell them ahead of
time
that you might get angry at their answer for a while, but to please be
willing to be honest anyway. If they are not perfectly honest
with you, and you
are an arrogant person, their lying to you about it
will only feed your ego and make the problem worse.
If
the person won't agree to be painfully honest with you, don't ask them.
If it makes it easier, have them write their answers down so
that
you can read them later when you are by yourself.
This next
idea will be very, very difficult to do (for anybody), but will be a
real eye opener: find a mature, honest, truthful person who does not
think very highly of you and ask them why. As already
mentioned,
you can just have them write down their response for you to read later.
If you know several such people, have them all do it without
putting their names on their responses. Like I said, this can
be
painful. It is very hard to open yourself up to this kind of
honesty, but it can be a life-changing experience.
Here's
another way of working on an ego problem: practice
apologizing.
Even if it is something rather trivial, apologize anyway.
Be sincere and only apologize for things you have actually
done
wrong, but apologize for
something.
A sincere apology goes against everything that makes
arrogance a
problem and the more you apologize the easier it gets. With
each
apology, little by little you will be chipping away at your ego problem.
Practice
admitting that you don't know something. Too often, arrogant
people act as though they know it all. Sometimes arrogant
people
do this so much that they even start to believe it themselves.
Usually, though, other people aren't fooled and can see right
through it. Admitting it when you don't know something helps
to
counter this tendency. When you ask someone for advice or
counseling, come right out and say that you are coming to them for
advice because you don't know enough about it. As with
apologizing, it gets easier the more you do it and you'll be surprised
how much you'll learn from others in the process. Purposely
put
yourself into unfamiliar situations where you really don't know enough
about it and use this opportunity to practice admitting it.
Find
a child who knows something you don't and let them teach you (you'd be
surprised at the skills some children have!)
Finally, arrange a
code word that close friends and family can use to secretly let you
know, without embarrassing you, that you are behaving arrogantly.
Make it an unrelated, but common word, so that it can be
worked
into the situation. The code word can be just about
anything--even a name. Let's say your code word is the name
George. Your friend or family member could say something like
"that sounds just like something George would say." That
let's
you know that you are behaving arrogantly without anyone around you
knowing what it means.
Pride, arrogance and/or ego can prevent
you from getting counseling. It can stop you from listening
to
people who know more about the situation than you do and can prevent
you from getting the
advice
you need. Pride, arrogance and/or ego can also prevent you
from
implementing the advice or counseling once you've received it.
Don't forget that pride is expensive. It can cost
you your
financial future. If you are dealing with an ego problem in
your
life, start right now to overcome it. Don't let pride keep
you
from accomplishing your goals.
"With pride comes
trouble, but with counsel comes wisdom." Proverbs 13:10
Lack of knowledge
The
third most common thing that gets in the way is a lack of knowledge.
A lack of knowledge can often lead to a feeling of
being overwhelmed and lost. Lack of knowledge also leads to
not knowing what the next step is--a feeling of "I have no idea what to
do next." A lack of knowledge leaves you unable to even come
up
with a plan to deal with a problem, let alone break the plan down into
individual steps. You feel like you need some goals, but
don't
know what those goals should be or what to do first in striving to
achieve them.
A lack of knowledge is also usually the cause when
you experience such things as: constantly running into
related
vocabulary you don't know, not knowing whom you should ask
for
advice, not bothering to question advice you are given to see if it
makes sense or not even being able to determine if the advice makes
sense.
Overcoming a lack of
knowledge is simple.
To
overcome a lack of knowledge, start doing some basic research.
Go
to the library and look for books on the subject. Do a search
on
the Internet. As you read more and more about a particular
subject, you will discover more places to get additional information.
If there is a counselor available, go talk to them.
You
don't have to follow the advice you get, but at least you'll have it to
consider. Find other people who have gone through the same
thing
you are and talk to them. If applicable, join a support
group.
As you gain knowledge, it tends to lead you to more knowledge.
Regardless
of whether or not your goal is a financial one, devise some sort of
plan to achieve it. Break it down into small, attainable steps you can
work on. I am an avid chess player and in chess we have a
saying: "a bad plan is better than no plan." That is because
with
no plan, you don't even know how to get started or what to do next.
And a bad plan at least eventually reaches a point that you
can
see it is not working which allows you to figure out what you're doing
wrong. Without any plan at all, you are just making things up
as
you go along and reacting to situations as they arise which makes it
nearly impossible to go back and see why your decisions were bad ones.
In other words, a bad plan at least allows you to see where
you
are going wrong, while having no plan robs you of the feedback you need
to make corrections.
When it comes to
knowledge about family finances...
You'll
find most of the financial knowledge you need right here on
Eclecticsite.com's Financial Page. These articles are
specifically chosen because they deal with the most common financial
difficulties faced by Americans today. Read through every
article--even the ones you don't think apply to you. Maybe
they
don't, but maybe they do and you won't know it unless you read them.
Either way, you'll have knowledge you didn't have before.
And of course, don't forget to check out the
financial books I
recommend and the
finance-related
links.
"The discerning heart
seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on foolishness."
Proverbs
15:14
Please know that all of the thoughts, information,
suggestions
and techniques given on this site are nothing more than the author's
opinion on
the matter being addressed. Do further research before making
any decisions.
This
article copyright © 2007 by Keith C. Rawlinson
(Eclecticsite.com). All rights reserved.
This article may be
copied for non-profit use including newsletters, bulletins, etc.
as long as you
first get written permission from the author and full credit is given
which includes the author's name
and the name of this website.