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Some tongue-in-cheek, scientific
things you experience from time to time but can't explain
Science Teacher and guy who apparently has a bit too much
time on his hands.
Originally published in the
Journal of Scientific...oh forget
it, who am I kidding?
Approved by the
International Society of
Scientific Research and...
never mind, no one's really stupid enough to approve this.
Roaming Black Hole: These
are just like the black holes in outer space, but much smaller.
They are constantly moving around randomly. When a
Black Hole collides with something, say a set of car keys, it
immediately swallows up the item with which it collided.
Sometimes, that item is redeposited elsewhere either near to
where it was swallowed up, or far, far away. Sometimes the
just stays within the Roaming Black Hole never to be seen again!
This phenomenon explains why you can set something down for
a second and it's gone! This also explains why you sometimes
lose things and find them in very strange places later.
Black Holes seem to be particularly fond of keys, remote controls,
tools, glasses and socks. It is also believed that, for some
unknown reason, Roaming Black Holes are attracted to washing machines
and dryers. Scientists currently believe that this explains
where all the socks and
underwear disappear to.
Long after I originally came up with this, there emerged a legitimate theory
about actual black holes which move around
in outer space.
Scientists have actually named this theory "Roaming
Holes." Mmmmmmm, maybe I'm not so nuts after all...or am I?
Time Jitter: These
very small rips in spacetime into which a person can accidentally
go. It is possible to move into a Time Jitter by virtually
means which include walking, driving, riding, etc. A Time
can jump slightly backward or forward in time taking with it anyone who
happens to be inside of it at the moment. This phenomenon
explains why some days seem to go by very quickly while others seem to
last forever, and why some trips in the car seem to drag on while
others go by
quickly. This is why you sometimes look at the clock and
believe how late it is. Any time you wonder how the
went by so quickly, or why it seems to be taking forever, you most
likely moved into a Time Jitter and ended up jumping slightly backward
or forward in time. For some unknown reason, Time Jitters
jump forward in time during times of fun, excitement and enjoyment, and
tend to jump backward in time during work, school, homework
to time, localized areas of the Earth's gravity go slightly off-axis resulting in gravitational
pulls slightly backward, forward, or off to one side or the other.
called Skewed Gravity. If you are walking down a hallway,
suddenly lose your balance slightly and bump into the wall, you may
experienced Skewed Gravity. For some reason, Skewed Gravity
manifests itself as one is walking through a doorway. This is
you suddenly smack your shoulder into the door or the door frame for no
apparent reason. If Skewed Gravity becomes strong enough, or
far enough off-axis, it can even cause you to stumble or fall for no
reason. Be aware, though, that a stumble or fall can also be
explained by a Mega Molecule.
Periodically, and for no known reason, air
molecules, which are generally quite small, will clump together into a
huge Mega Molecule. These things can grow to the size of a
basketball and, since air is invisible, you can't see a Mega Molecule
no matter how big it gets. If you are walking along and
stumble for no apparent reason, if it wasn't Skewed Gravity, then you
most likely tripped over a Mega Molecule. Although Mega
are dense enough to stumble over, the molecular bond is
quite weak. For this reason, as soon as something impacts a
Molecule, the air molecules of which it is comprised fly apart and
disperse back into the surrounding, gaseous air. That is why
after tripping over a Mega Molecule, you can't go back and find it.
Mega Molecules are only slightly denser than the surrounding,
gaseous air. This gives Mega Molecules the tendency to settle
the floor or the ground (thus the tripping hazard), but also allows
them to be picked up by adequately strong air currents which carry
the Mega Molecules aloft allowing them to drift haphazardly.
you drop something for seemingly no reason, it is very likely that a
Mega Molecule drifted by and knocked it out of your hand.
will get knocked off of tables, shelves and desks this same way.
Scientists are currently working to understand why Mega
are so attracted to headphone cords. This attraction is why
headphone cord on your iPod, MP3 player or personal CD player seems to
getting caught or tangled on things that aren't there. As
you yank on the cord to free it, the air molecules making up the Mega
Molecule disperse back into the atmosphere in the same manner as when
tripping over a Mega Molecule.
|Copyright © 2000 by
Keith Rawlinson (Eclecticsite.com). All rights reserved.
May not be copied or reprinted without author's permission.
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