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Some tongue-in-cheek, scientific explanations
for things you experience from time to time but can't explain

By Keith Rawlinson
Science Teacher and guy who apparently has a bit too much time on his hands.

Originally published in the Journal of Scientific...oh forget it, who am I kidding?

Approved by the
International Society of
Scientific Research and...

never mind, no one's really stupid enough to approve this.

Roaming Black Hole:  These are just like the black holes in outer space, but much smaller.  They are constantly moving around randomly.  When a Roaming Black Hole collides with something, say a set of car keys, it immediately swallows up the item with which it collided.  Sometimes, that item is redeposited elsewhere either near to where it was swallowed up, or far, far away.  Sometimes the item just stays within the Roaming Black Hole never to be seen again!  This phenomenon explains why you can set something down for just a second and it's gone!  This also explains why you sometimes lose things and find them in very strange places later.  Roaming Black Holes seem to be particularly fond of keys, remote controls, tools, glasses and socks.  It is also believed that, for some unknown reason, Roaming Black Holes are attracted to washing machines and dryers.  Scientists currently believe that this explains where all the socks and underwear disappear to.

Note:  Long after I originally came up with this, there emerged a legitimate theory about actual black holes which move around in outer space.  Scientists have actually named this theory "Roaming Black Holes."  Mmmmmmm, maybe I'm not so nuts after all...or am I?

Time Jitter:  These are very small rips in spacetime into which a person can accidentally go.  It is possible to move into a Time Jitter by virtually any means which include walking, driving, riding, etc.  A Time Jitter can jump slightly backward or forward in time taking with it anyone who happens to be inside of it at the moment.  This phenomenon explains why some days seem to go by very quickly while others seem to last forever, and why some trips in the car seem to drag on while others go by quickly.  This is why you sometimes look at the clock and can't believe how late it is.  Any time you wonder how the time went by so quickly, or why it seems to be taking forever, you most likely moved into a Time Jitter and ended up jumping slightly backward or forward in time.  For some unknown reason, Time Jitters tend to jump forward in time during times of fun, excitement and enjoyment, and tend to jump backward in time during work, school, homework and chores.

Skewed Gravity:  From time to time, localized areas of the Earth's gravity go slightly off-axis resulting in gravitational pulls slightly backward, forward, or off to one side or the other.  This is called Skewed Gravity.  If you are walking down a hallway, suddenly lose your balance slightly and bump into the wall, you may have experienced Skewed Gravity.  For some reason, Skewed Gravity often manifests itself as one is walking through a doorway.  This is why you suddenly smack your shoulder into the door or the door frame for no apparent reason.  If Skewed Gravity becomes strong enough, or is far enough off-axis, it can even cause you to stumble or fall for no reason.  Be aware, though, that a stumble or fall can also be explained by a Mega Molecule.

Mega Molecule:  Periodically, and for no known reason, air molecules, which are generally quite small, will clump together into a huge Mega Molecule.  These things can grow to the size of a basketball and, since air is invisible, you can't see a Mega Molecule no matter how big it gets.  If you are walking along and suddenly stumble for no apparent reason, if it wasn't Skewed Gravity, then you most likely tripped over a Mega Molecule.  Although Mega Molecules are dense enough to stumble over,  the molecular bond is actually quite weak.  For this reason, as soon as something impacts a Mega Molecule, the air molecules of which it is comprised fly apart and disperse back into the surrounding, gaseous air.  That is why after tripping over a Mega Molecule, you can't go back and find it.  Mega Molecules are only slightly denser than the surrounding, gaseous air.  This gives Mega Molecules the tendency to settle on the floor or the ground (thus the tripping hazard), but also allows them to be picked up by adequately strong air currents which carry the Mega Molecules aloft allowing them to drift haphazardly.  When you drop something for seemingly no reason, it is very likely that a Mega Molecule drifted by and knocked it out of your hand.  Occasionally, things will get knocked off of tables, shelves and desks this same way.  Scientists are currently working to understand why Mega Molecules are so attracted to headphone cords.  This attraction is why the headphone cord on your iPod, MP3 player or personal CD player seems to be always getting caught or tangled on things that aren't there.  As soon as you yank on the cord to free it, the air molecules making up the Mega Molecule disperse back into the atmosphere in the same manner as when tripping over a Mega Molecule.

Copyright © 2000 by Keith Rawlinson (Eclecticsite.com).  All rights reserved.  
May not be copied or reprinted without author's permission.  
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